Missing Pieces
by Carys5
Summary: Naley. Thoughts and extended scenes of the current season.
1. The Desperate Kingdom of Love

**Hello all,  
Someone did this with Alias last year and it really stuck with me. The idea is to fill in scenes/thoughts of current episodes. Sometimes they will be extensions of scenes, or the thoughts behind actions of Haley and Nathan. As always, I don't own anything.  
Let me know your thoughts...I live for feedback (both good and bad)  
always  
carys**

"Oh, my god," was all that came to mind. Full on panic was setting in. She thought she was feeling nostalgic when she shut off the light in her , her old room, but it wasn't nostalgia. It was the beginnings of a panic attack. Remorse, regret, fear, all those lovely negative feeling were starting to take hold. The whole day had been spent with Nathan and when she was around him, those feelings were just faint rumblings in the back of her mind. When they got home from the hospital Nathan had wanted to go shoot hoops at the river court. Haley figured she could clean out her room on her own so she told him to go. She understood that basketball was Nathan's way of clearing his head and after all the shocks of the day she figured he deserved a little alone time. Once Haley got back to the apartment and started sorting the CD's the nagging voice in the back of her head started gaining some volume. When Nathan had said yesterday that she was his family and that he could love her forever she got swept up in the moment. When he bravely stood before her parents and said that he wanted to marry her, she nearly burst at the seams she was so proud of him. And those vows...well he took her breath away. Now though, when she was all alone with the thoughts in her head, the negative ones were starting to get louder - you are too young, you don't know what you are doing, you've ruined your life, and possibly his too. They were all screaming at a deafening volume – impossible to ignore. She wasn't worried about what she might miss – she had no desire to be a serial dater like Brooke, but the rest of her life seemed like a really long time right now. She desperately wanted to call Lucas, as she normally would in confusing times, but after his reaction, or non-reaction to the news, she decided against it. So she pulled off the ring that Nathan had placed on her hand not even twenty four hours earlier and let the voices take control. With the voices came tears...a floodgate that opened and wouldn't be stemmed. In the middle of her full on break down, Nathan walked in the door to his , their apartment, carrying his basketball casually under his arm. His face changed immediately when he saw her tears. It wasn't hard to tell that something was wrong.

The funny part was, he said all the right things, everything she needed to hear. And he quieted the voices in the back of her head that were screaming, "RUN! Run as fast as you can Haley James! This is a huge mistake!" His faith reassured her, brought back the calm she felt when she stood before the justice of the peace and pledged her life to him. The panic subsided. But as she lay in bed, waiting for him to finish brushing his teeth, the doubts started creeping back in. She worried that they would have to fight the whole world – that everyone would feel like Deb did. She had expected Dan to take the news badly, but Deb...well that had genuinely surprised her. Hell, even Karen had doubts and Karen had known her since she was a kid. Haley was not an irrational, impulsive person, which Karen knew, and still she questioned Haley's decision. That rocked her confidence. What would their friends think? Haley wasn't sure if she was up to facing them. When she had suggested that morning to Nathan that they keep things under wraps she had expected him to agree. She was surprised that he wanted everyone to know – he seemed so....well proud. It was a long way from their first date when he didn't want his friends to know that they were together. Now here they were, less than a year later, married...joined for all eternity. It was such a huge change.

The day had been full of surprises, and most of them weren't really good ones. Dan's heart attack, Deb and Karen's reaction to the news, even her parent's acceptance was a little surprising. All of these things threw her for a loop, but none more than Nathan's unwavering faith. She was used to playing the role of calm, cool and collected while Nathan's world spun out of control. She was used to comforting him in times of trouble, not having him take care of her. That realization seemed to quiet the voices...the knowledge that he would protect her and take care of her...it let her relax enough to fall asleep. Who knew what the next day would bring?

* * *

"What a day," was all he could think as he brushed his teeth. After he rinsed out his mouth, he placed both hands on either side of the sink and took a long look in the mirror. He couldn't see any visible changes in his appearance – same dark hair, same blue eyes. He looked closer, hoping to see something else, some proof that his life had changed. After a few seconds of staring at himself, he gave up and headed to bed. Haley was already asleep. Despite the commotion of the day, she still managed to look calm and peaceful as she slept. She really scared him tonight. Coming home and finding her crying was not something he was expecting. If anyone was supposed to fall apart, it was him. Shit, his dad was in the hospital, his mom had gone off the deep end and Lucas had run away. She was supposed to be the one reassuring him, not the other way around. He didn't exactly know how to be the supportive cheerleader type. It had never been something he needed to do. He never expected her to want to give up twenty four hours into their marriage, and over music of all things. It just seemed so out of character for her to fall apart like that.

The scene in the hospital flashed through his head. He was still a little taken aback by his mothers outburst. It was so complicated with him and her. She hadn't been there to stand up for him with Dan when he really needed it – when he was seven and playing little league baseball, when Dan had told him to go after Lucas like an enemy, that summer she disappeared. He'd admit that she had made a sincere effort lately, like at dinner with his grandparents, but her outburst today at Haley made him think she was channelling Dan. Where the hell did that come from? Haley was the first person to support him having a life outside of basketball and Deb had been totally on board with that. Then in one instant she lashed out at Haley. Why? Because she was the nearest available target? Just because her marriage sucked didn't mean that his would. Hell, he had their mistakes to learn from. He wasn't his dad and Haley certainly wasn't Deb.

It wasn't fair what she said and it certainly wasn't true. Haley didn't make him get emancipated. The fault for that laid squarely on Deb and Dan's shoulders. All Haley did was point out the options. She didn't judge Deb or Dan, she never defended them or made excuses for them. She just calmly, logically explained all his options. The reason that stuck with him because it was so nice for once to have someone not pushing him or telling him what to do. That was part of what made Haley amazing. Peyton had said that he was becoming a good guy for Haley, but that wasn't exactly true. He didn't do it for her, he did it because of her. Haley was the first person who didn't expect anything from him, but expected more of him.

He couldn't help but compare the reactions of his parents and hers. Mr. and Mrs. James were a little strange to him – mostly because they seemed to genuinely like each other and he had never really experienced that before. If they had an opinion about their marriage they seemed to keep it to themselves at the time, instead choosing to support Haley in whatever her decision was. His family, well his mom at least, took the low road. He expected her to be unimpressed but the way she treated Haley...just thinking about it again made him shiver. He kicked himself in the ass because he should have stood up for her immediately. He was a little ashamed that his mother had treated his wife that way, but that would not be happening again.

Haley rolled over and curled herself into Nathan's side. He smiled at her unconscious movement. Despite all the confusing thoughts that were running through his head, that one simple thing, something she did in her sleep, was reassuring to him. He told her she was his family, that he believed in them and that he would protect her. He would keep telling her everyday until she wasn't scared anymore. Haley may be scared when she was awake, but in her sleep, she turned to him. He figured that was a pretty good start.


	2. Truth Doesn't Make Noise

Haley took the long way home from her parents place. It was weird to call somewhere else besides her parents place home, but this was her new reality, her new life. She wanted some time before she saw Nathan – enough time to let the red recede from her eyes. She didn't want him to know she'd been crying. She felt bad enough thinking back to the night before and the look on his face when he came home and saw her crying. She also didn't want their first memories together as a married couple to be littered with her crying. She kept telling people she was happy and for the most part she felt happy too. It was just a really emotional time and apparently her emotions kept coming from her eyeballs. A new development, and one that she hoped wasn't permanent. It was bad enough that people assumed she was pregnant. If they caught her crying all the time it would confirm it in their minds. "Oh, look, there goes Haley....crying again. Must be pregnancy hormones." She could hear them already.

The walk did her good. It gave her time to plan her course of action. Haley didn't want to come between Nathan and his mom. She didn't want to put him in a position of having to chose between them. It wasn't that she was afraid who he would choose, she just loved him too much to ever ask him to make that choice. Haley knew he would never ask that of her, and she wouldn't of him either. She resolved to keep the latest Deb episode to herself. Haley was a big girl, she would handle the situation herself. As the saying went, sticks and stones....unfortunately, it wasn't altogether true. Deb's words really did hurt. And that line about, "I know...", that really pissed her off. Ya, Deb and Dan got married young but it wasn't an actual choice for them. Deb was pregnant – they had to get married. Her and Nathan weren't standing at the altar with a shotgun to their heads. It was a conscious choice, based on love, not a lack of options or social stigma. Why do people feel the need to judge other people's decisions based on their own bad choices? Haley wasn't anything like Deb so why should she assume that Haley would have the same regrets as her later on in life. It was inconceivable to Haley that Nathan would ever be a regret. He was her heart. You can't ever regret loving someone. She felt her shoulders square as the thought passed through her head. She was done with crying. It was time to start standing up for herself.

"Hey Mrs. Scott.." Nathan said with a smile as she walked through the door. Haley pulled her keys out of the door and found him standing directly in front of her. She looked up. Sometimes it still surprised her how tall he really was. "What's wrong?" He asked, the smile disappearing from his face.

"Nothing, why?" Haley couldn't figure out how he could know. She had checked her face in her compact mirror before she walked in and all traces of tears were gone. Haley tried to go around Nathan, wanting to put some space between them, feeling uncomfortable with him standing so close.

"Something happened Hales, I can see it in your face." Nathan said blocking her movement.

"I don't know what you are talking about Nathan. Have you seen Lucas? I hear he's in town." Haley replied changing the subject. She then set about busying herself by rummaging through her purse. She wasn't looking for anything except an excuse to not look at him. Despite her lame attempt to avoid his gaze, she could still feel it.

"Come here a second." Nathan led her by the hand to the couch. He turned his body slightly so that he was facing her. "Do you remember my dad's birthday? When my grandparents were over and the whole story about my dad and his injury came out?"

"Fun times with the Scott family, how could I forget." She replied with a wry smile.

"I told you that night you have this look when you want to tell me something but you don't really want to tell me." He said. "And you told me I shouldn't know that look." He half smiled at her.

"What about it?" Haley asked, still trying to play dumb.

"You have the same look on your face right now."

Haley thought about it for a moment. Should she tell him about Deb? What would his reaction be? She took the cowards way out. "I stopped by my parent place this afternoon, and just sat in my old room. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to worry."

"Why would I worry?" he asked.

"I didn't want you to think that I went there because I regret what we did, I just needed some place " She rambled.

"Why?" He prompted.

"I just told you why."

"What I mean is, why did you need comforting?" Nathan asked.

Haley was wishing with every fibre of her being that he would just let it go. "I guess I was feeling a little overwhelmed. I'm fine now. All better," she said, plastering a smile on her face.

Nathan was unconsciously playing with his ring. It still felt strange on his hand. He was quiet for a moment, seeming to gather his thoughts. "Hales..." he started and then paused, searching for the right words. "Haley, I meant what I said last night. I love you and I will protect you, but I can't do that if you won't tell me what happened. Whatever it is, you have to tell me. If we are going to do this, then we can't keep secrets. Now, if your parents said something to you about me...well, you can tell me. I can take it. Because in the end it doesn't really matter. I mean, I get that they are your family, but I am your family too. You and me – we're our family." He explained.

His words went straight to her heart. He was right. Nathan was her family now, more so than her mom and dad, and it occurred to her that it wasn't right that she had gone to her parents about Deb. Nathan was the first person she should have turned to. "It wasn't my parents Nathan." She took a deep breath. "I went to your mom's place to drop off a plant for your dad and...well let's just say we had words." Haley admitted. She could actually feel the relief settle over her.

"What did she say?" he asked through clenched teeth. Haley knew immediately how angry he was. Nathan only did that when he was doing his very best not to put his fist through the nearest wall.

"She said that we were ruining our lives, that I was ruining your life and mine." Haley said. Nathan nodded slowly in reply. "She's having a hard time right now Nathan, with your dad in the hospital and everything. Maybe we just need to give her a little space and time. I'm sure she'll come around eventually." Haley offered. Nathan wordlessly got up off the couch and was heading to the door when Haley grabbed his arm. "Where are you going?"

"Over to my mom's," he said as if it was only natural.

"Nathan, didn't you hear what I just said? We need to give her some space. You barging over there right now is not going to make the situation any better."

"Haley, nothing is going to make the situation any better, but she needs to know that it is not OK for her to go off on you. I don't care what a hard time she's having right now. That does not give her the right to take it out on you. I should have said something yesterday in the hospital, but it kinda freaked me out. I figured she wouldn't take it well and I was even ready to forgive her for what she said, but now that she's done it twice in two days....it's just not cool Hales."

"Nathan..." Haley didn't exactly know what to say.

Nathan simply smiled at her, which was Haley's undoing. "Don't worry. I'm just going to explain to her that I will not stand for her treating my wife like that."

"I don't need you to fight my battles Nate." Haley explained.

"It's not about you, it's about us. We are a team now. And if someone wants to hurt you..." he paused and looked at her intently, "well, they are going to have to get through me first. I don't care if it's my mom, or my dad, or Lucas, or anyone. It stops here." Nathan stated. "I'll be back soon. We have a party to go to." He grinned, gave her a quick kiss, and left.

All Haley could think was that for a guy who said all the wrong things in the beginning, he sure had a knack for saying all the right things now.

* * *

Haley and Nathan were lying in bed, after what could only be described as a fabulous party, just talking. It was kind of surreal for both of them as they realized that all those people had come because of them.

"Hey, how much do you think it would cost to put my mom in the RV and convince your parents to stay?" Nathan asked with a grin.

"More money than either one of us will ever have." Haley laughed.

"So how do you feel about them leaving?" Nathan asked seriously.

"Kinda freaked out. I mean, it's not like they've been around a lot the last few years, but at least I knew they had to come home sometime. I guess it's kind of good though too."

"Good?"

"Well, I can't leave you now, can I? Got nowhere else to go," she teased. "It's official, you are stuck with me."

"Thanks Hales. Thanks a lot. Just what every guy wants to hear. That his girl is with him because she had no other choice," he joked back.

"I am sorry about your mom. It can't be easy for you, especially with me ripping her face off tonight." Haley said softly.

"Hey, I told you – you are my family now. And let's face it, they weren't much of a family to begin with. You've already done more for me than they ever did, and you did it before you were legally obligated to." He smiled. "It's gonna be fine Hales. In twenty years, we'll laugh about the last couple of days."

"Promise?" She smiled up at him.

"I promise."

"I don't think anyone in history has had such a bad time with in-laws as me. First I throw up in your dad's lap, and then I nearly scream at your mom. Why ever do you stay with me?" Haley asked.

"Honestly?" Nathan replied. Haley nodded. "Because you are the first person who ever stood up for me. You did it with your best friend when you had no reason to and then with my screwed up family. It takes guts to do that."

"It was easy."

"Well, you changed me Haley. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have a brother." Nathan said quietly.

"Nate, you always had a brother. I just forced you to talk to him."

"That wasn't all you did Hales. You made me want to be a better person."

"Nathan, you always were that person. It's why I fell in love with you."

"And I thought it was my charm and good looks." He grinned.

Of all the things that had happened in the past few days, it was moments like this that brought peace to Haley's heart. After what could only be described as a roller coaster day, the best part was lying with Nathan at the end of it and laughing together about the insanity that was currently their lives. She knew that there would be tough times ahead of them, especially if everyone kept asking her if she was pregnant, but if she could laugh with Nathan at the end of the day – well, that was enough. The voices in her head were quiet, and she was pretty sure they would stay that way.

A/N This weeks episode was so good that my muse just took over and out it came. Please let me know your thoughts. Reviews make my heart smile! Carys


	3. Near Wild Heaven

"A ring doesn't erase your past."

Tim's voice was reverberating in Nathan's head. Standard mode of operation was to ignore everything Tim said – sure he could be funny sometimes, usually in the laugh at him, not with him kind of way, but for once something Tim said really stuck with him. Nathan was aware of his past reputation. He hadn't been an angel - hell even Haley knew that. He never tried to hide it. What surprised him was Tim's assumption that he would always be that guy. The guy who takes what ever is offered to him, the cheating, lying jerk he had been. He didn't feel like that guy anymore. If he was being totally honest he didn't really like that guy much – not now and not then either. He silently wondered why Tim didn't see the new Nathan? He felt like the changes he had gone through were so huge they had to show. Tim had known him a long time – longer than any of his other friends so did it mean something that Tim still saw the old Nathan? Couldn't he see that he wasn't that guy anymore?

Nathan knew he was giving Tim too much credit – Tim was not a deep thinker. Tim never even thought about the next words that were coming out of his mouth, let alone pondering the changes in his best friend and what they might mean. Still, what if Tim was right? Would he always be that guy? Nathan had done enough self-reflection to know that being a good guy for Haley was a conscious choice for him. Being an ass came easy – he figured it was hardwired into the Scott genes. Even Lucas exhibited the traits from time to time. In the beginning the main difference between him and Lucas had been simple – although Lucas had done a stereotypical Scott maneuver, he felt remorse for it. Nathan only found that when he met Haley. He cared if he hurt her; he worried that his actions would affect her. Feeling guilt and remorse was something the Scott men had to think about – it was the one thing that didn't come naturally for them.

Nathan shook his head – he was spending entirely too much time thinking about Tim.

* * *

"I'm not getting all tweaked about your shower."

Haley had once accused Lucas to holding her to a higher standard than everyone else. As she walked to work she realized that she was guilty of something equally offensive. She set the standards lower for Nathan than she would for anyone else. She automatically assumed that given the opportunity he would cheat on her. Haley knew some that of came from her own insecurity. Sometimes she still wanted to pinch herself, like it couldn't possibly be real – Nathan Scott was in love with her. Haley had never been the most popular girl in school, she wasn't outgoing like Brooke, or classically beautiful like Peyton, but she liked her life. She had never bought into the whole popularity game – for the most part being really happy with who and what she was. There was a line in Forrest Gump that always made her cry. It was when Forrest meets his son for the first time and says, "Is he smart or is he like me?" It struck a chord with her because it showed that, as happy as Forrest was, he knew he was different. Haley was happy with who she was, but on the same note, she knew she wasn't exactly the queen of the Tree Hill social scene. Nathan on the other hand, was the crown prince of the Tree Hill elite, and yet he had picked her. When she met him Nathan was used to getting what ever he wanted with a smirk and his charm. He was a jerk and an ass because people let him. Everyone but her. She saw something else and she refused to let him get by on that smirk and Scott charm. And so he had proved to her that he was more than that. She was almost ashamed of her earlier behavior, because Nathan wasn't that guy anymore. He hadn't been for a long time. If she really thought he was still that guy she never should have married him. Nathan had always trusted her completely, and that felt good. She owed him the same consideration. Sure, he had disappointed her in the past but he was always the one to come to her – to apologize, to convince her, to be there. He made mistakes but everyone does and he always came after her, refusing to give up on them. It was wrong for her to assume that just because there would be a skanky hoe in their apartment that night that he would break his vows. He had proved over and over again how important she was to him. If she was being totally honest, he had put himself on the line more times than she had. He didn't just deserve her trust – he had earned it. She needed to follow his example and just relax about the whole thing. She made a promise to herself in that moment to try harder.

As Nathan watched Simone saunter towards the bedroom so many things went through his head. Although he wasn't positive, he could swear it was Haley hanging out of the sunroof of the "girls gone wild" limo that had passed earlier. Granted, it seemed unlikely – Haley was not the party girl. But what if it was? Tim was still in his head too – and here he was, at a literal and metaphorical crossroads. In the bedroom was an opportunity the old Nathan would not have thought twice about. And ya, she was beautiful, and willing, and he didn't even have to put any effort into it – that was what she was paid to do. Most men would jump at the chance. Hell she could probably do things he'd only seen in porn movies. Then add into the mix that at this very moment his wife was doing god knows what...well, there were just too many things to think about.

Nathan's first thought was, "What if Haley really is doing something? Does that change things?". The thought alone made his stomach turn. Deep down Nathan liked the fact that he was her first. There was something primal about knowing that no one else had ever been as close to her as he was. Then there was the flip side. Could he really do something that he knew would hurt Haley? He had promised her only days before that he would love her forever, be true to her for all his life, and that he would protect her. At the first sign of temptation, would he break that promise?

In the end he asked Simone to leave. The funny part was, he didn't ask her to leave because it would hurt Haley, or because he wanted Tim to see that he wasn't that guy anymore, or to thumb his nose at the dreaded Scott gene. Truthfully he could have slept with her and no one would have known. In the past, before Haley, he used to do shitty things all the time, just because he could. He never needed a reason to do the things he did. The only justification he ever needed was that he wanted to. A smile crept over his face when he realized what he wanted. Nathan wanted Haley, and only Haley. Turns out the old Nathan was still there.

A/N Sorry this took so long, but I was uninspired - maybe because last weeks episode seemed pretty complete or else my muse was on vacation. Either way, with Thanksgiving weekend out of the way (I'm Canadian so it's been a crazy family filled weekend) I finally found an angle I wanted to explore. As always, let me know your thought....Carys


	4. You Can't Always Get What You Want

_I rewatched last weeks episode and found myself shouting at the TV "What happened to the Nathan we know and love?" This whole, cheerful, family loving, selfless Nathan just doesn't work for me. The only glimpse we saw of the real him was when Felix was hitting on Haley. So, I've taken a little different approach to this weeks installment. I may continue this way, but if they bring my regular, angst ridden, moody, jerky Nathan back, I'll return to the original format. This takes place, 27 years in the future, at their high school reunion. In my own mind, I don't know if Haley and Nathan are together, or even if everyone is still in contact. It's just looking at the current episodes events as specific, perhaps important, moments in time. If you like it, let me know, same if you hate it. Carys_

It was weird for her to walk back into the gymnasium after being away for so long. It still looked exactly the same, so much so that she half expected Whitey to come in, yelling that if she was going to distract his two star players, then she better have a really good reason for it. Whitey had passed away nearly ten years earlier, but Haley always remembered him in this environment. She could almost hear the squeak of sneakers on the floor, the smell of perspiration, and feel the bodies squished into every available seating space. As she took a seat in the bleachers she was transported back twenty seven years. In the darkened gym, with only the emergency lights to illuminate the floor, she felt like a kid of sixteen again - still getting used to the term wife, still searching for her place in the world. If she knew then what she knew now...well there were a lot of mistakes she could have avoided. But....mistakes made you what and who you were and she was pretty happy with herself right now, so maybe she wouldn't avoid any of them after all. It was easier twenty seven years out to look at everything as a learning experience.

Before she knew what was happening, she was no longer alone in the gym. She heard the steady pinging of a basketball being bounced and she knew instinctively who was coming. Nathan and Lucas apparently had the same idea as her – wanting a few moments alone in the old school gym. They didn't notice her in the bleachers and she didn't let them know she was there. She watched as they casually took some shots together. The years had been kind to both of them. If she squinted her eyes just a little they looked like the same sixteen year old boys she had watched from this seat all those years ago. They both still possessed the same grace that natural athletes have. She smiled to herself as they bantered back and forth, teasing, prodding, and laughing. She knew them before they were brothers...before they were family. Twenty seven years later it still made her heart jump a little to watch the two of them on the court. They moved symbiotically, seeming to know where the other was going. People to this day, still commented about watching the Scott brothers play for Tree Hill. It was like watching poetry in motion. Watching them together again brought everything about the early days flooding back.

Those first few months of married life were tough. Haley knew they were not the exception, that most married couples went through it. It's a difficult evolution – from the "me" thinking to the "we" thinking. Suddenly every decision you make has to be run through a third party. Nathan wasn't so good at it in the beginning. She could remember the look on his face when he bought her that first keyboard like it was yesterday. He was so excited. Even then, her practical side won out and she chastised him for wasting their hard-earned cash on a luxury item. She also remembered feeling immediately guilty about it because that was the first time she had really seen Nathan completely happy. Everybody has moments like that – where they look at their life and realize that in that moment everything is great.

At that time, Keith had become a really positive influence in Nathan's life, just like he had been for Lucas. Keith's guidance allowed Nathan to blossom, and having Dan out of commission at the same time didn't hurt. It was then that Nathan really latched on to the idea of family. He had a brother, a wife and an uncle in his life, which was more family than he'd ever experienced before – at least in a positive sense. It was so important to him. Haley had been surprised by it, but she was happy for him too.

It was a surreal time for Haley too. She remembered well the arrival of Felix in Tree Hill. He really shook things up – for Brooke, for Lucas, for everyone really. He challenged the status quo and made everyone look at things a little differently. Felix had really changed Haley's life – without ever being aware of it. Sometimes it happens that way; someone says something or does something that causes your outlook on the world to change. It's rarely intentional as was the case for Haley. When he flirted with her that day in school, it completely surprised her. No one before Nathan had ever been interested in her. Before Nathan, she had been Tutor Girl, or Lucas's best friend – neither title offending her. She was good at tutoring and she was a good friend to Lucas. She was proud of both of those things. Dating Nathan had brought her into a social circle she never would have entered if it wasn't for him and marrying Nathan eliminated an important stage that most girls go through. She would realize that later. In the five seconds it took Felix to give her the one over, he illustrated something that she would miss out on. Guys being interested in her for reasons other than the fact that she was Nathan Scott's wife. There were people all through high school who would be nice to her simply because of Nathan. Those who got to know her genuinely liked her, but if it hadn't been for Nathan, they probably wouldn't have gotten to know her in the first place. Felix made the flirty remark not knowing that she was the girl/wife of the most popular boy in school. He did it because he found her attractive. Not Tutor Girl, or Lucas's friend, or Nathan's wife – just her. Haley would wonder years later if Nathan had bought her the keyboard out of jealousy or fear. Most days she truly believed he did it because he wanted to make her happy. His happiness at his life seemed to spill over everywhere in those days. Sometimes she missed the tortured soul she had met and fell in love with, but she loved him so much that seeing him happy made her happy too. It was an idyllic time...before life really trampled on them. They were young, in love and happy. Their life was about school, basketball and love.

It wouldn't always be that way. In some ways Deb had known what she was talking about. Women especially, have a hard time transitioning from girl to woman, and then from woman to wife. Haley would hear Deb's voice in her head many times before she came to grips with it herself. Men have it easier. Before the politically correct police had gotten their claws into the marriage vows they said "man and wife". Now it was all about "husband and wife" but the original seems to fit better. Men don't have to change much from being a man to being a husband. Nathan's transition seemed easy in comparison to her own. She had struggled with it for a long time. Deep down she blamed Felix. Amazing how five seconds can change your life...


	5. Let The Reigns Go Loose

**A/N sorry it's been so long since I updated by R/L got in the way as well as my muse took an extra long vacation. I have another scene in the works from the episode before this one, but it's not quite ready, but I'll post when I'm finished with it. Please let me know your thoughts...carys**

It felt slightly rough in his large hands. He couldn't remember the last time he noticed that. It's surface was a unique mixture of textures, the slightly raised leather surface, better for grip, the intersecting lines...as he held the basketball in his hands he couldn't remember the last time he had really thought about the details of it. In some ways it felt like an extension of his own arm – it was that natural to him. But upon further inspection he noticed the little things.

Admittedly his careful scrutiny of the ball in his hands was a blatant attempt to distract himself from staring at the clock. Staring at it didn't make it move any faster; in fact it just made the lump in his throat and the queasy feeling in his stomach get stronger. He could pretend that he was just worried about her safety – but that wouldn't be true. It wasn't about if he trusted her; it was about his own insecurities, but at 2:38 all it really meant was that he couldn't sleep. And that useless indie rocker guy's comment wasn't helping either. The Neanderthal in him wanted to pound his chest and shout, "Eat your heart out, she's with me", but that didn't mean much when he was alone in their bed at 2:38. He kept reminding himself that this was what he wanted for her, what he had sacrificed for, but....fuck, if Tim could see him now he'd be laughing his ass off. Nathan Scott, sitting awake, obsessing about a girl. But she wasn't just a girl anymore, she was his wife and like it or not, that changed things. He was just beginning to grasp what those changes were going to be. He didn't resent the sacrifice he had made...it was easier to do than he would have thought. A part of him really wanted to tell her what he had done – mostly because she would have been so proud of him. OK, maybe not proud. Self sacrificing was usually her role and he was positive she wouldn't have let him do it if she had known. The thing was, in the past, whenever he did something that went against the Scott grain, he told her and she reinforced him. He almost needed two Haleys – one to praise him for his decision, and one who didn't know a damn thing about it. It felt good to tell coach about what he had done...and even though Whitey said exactly what he wanted to hear, it still meant something to him. It felt good to know that someone understood him and why he had to do it. Most fathers would have that role, but not Dan Scott – he always had to go against tradition. Phoenix effect or not, he was still a bastard to Nathan every chance he got but Nathan knew enough to limit those chances. Nathan knew Dan would freak out if he found out he gave up High Flyers for Haley. Good thing Dan would never find that out. It kinda made him smile – he got to do something good for Haley and stick it to his dad at the same time. He was pretty pleased with himself for that. Fat lot of good that was doing him now though...2:39 – it should be later than that by now.

She was so good tonight. He always knew she was good, but in front of the crowd – well she practically glowed. He knew exactly what that felt like. It was one thing to be good on the playground, but when you had five hundred people packed into a small gymnasium, practically sitting on top of you, breathing in tandem, cheering in tandem – it upped the stakes and it upped your game. She was great in the living room, but in the club tonight – well, she was out of this world. And somewhere deep down, he took a little credit for that. He helped her get there. After she finished his eyes were opened to a few thing he wasn't expecting. He had focused so much on getting her there, he hadn't really thought about what he would do when she arrived. Could he share this with her? What if Tree Hill was too small for her? What would they do then? He always knew she was destined for great things, but would there be room for him?

_"Great._" he said softly to himself._, "Two fourty am and full on paranoia is setting in. Maybe I should have stayed and waited with her tonight. It was her first interview...no, she told me to go home and get some sleep. I have to be at work at eight. That's like five hours from now...damn. She's OK...probably just lost track of time."_

It always took him some time to come down after a good game. She was probably somewhere with Peyton talking about what had happened, letting the adrenalin subside. Worrying was useless. He thought maybe he should just get up and play some NBA live....but he knew that wouldn't help either. Instead, he just kept tossing the ball in the air, checking the clock and listening intently for the door. It's weird how insecurities can sneak up on you late at night. Too much time in your own head never did anyone any good.

Usually just holding the ball reinforced his confidence. No one could take that away from him – it was like his security blanket. Holding it reminded him that he was good at something, but if he was being brutally honest, he'd rather be holding her...because for the first time in his life he was good at something else besides basketball...he was good at loving her.


End file.
